Always the Same

I watched the whole thing like a movie, from the outside
I saw her there, walking in the footprints she left before
He was different, but it felt so comfortable to keep being the same
I always wanted it to be different, I told myself that the entire time I was underwater
the entire, slow moving, underwater movie
The second he came along, I made it the same
she made it the same, it was a curse
Things were always changing around her
that's how she became so adaptable
but that's because she was always making everything the same
I wonder if it'll ever change.

I lied there in bed with him
his arm clutched me close
he pulled me against him hard
and left his arm draped over me
his arm was so heavy
I'd never been with someone who had such a heavy arm
I'd never been with someone so tall
I'd never let myself be with anyone physically overwhelming
A man too tall, a man too strong...
It scared me I guess
I always wanted to be able to get away
I finally leaped without looking
He loved to lay on top of me
to hold me down
to pin my arms or squeeze my neck
I always let him
I was no longer scared
because they always let me go....

Quicksand

I've always wondered how she could do it
she'd go through stages of being here and being there
I'd think, "Oh, she's finally growing out of it."
and bam! she's gone to the opposite extreme
the older she gets, the more likely she'll never make it back
I know this
She's stood with one foot in and one foot out
it was safe that way
I've done it myself for a time
She's got both feet in it now
with both feet in, it's so much easier to begin to sink
the longer she stands there, the deeper she gets
eventually, she'll have stood there so long
there will be no chance of stepping back out of it
She thinks she's being free, a free spirit
but I hope she also sees the trap
that she's cutting herself off from this world
she'll never be able to come back to it
she's banking on the fact that she'll feel this way forever
I hope that she does
because it's a long thick drudge through the sadness to get back
and no one ever makes it through the sadness....

Red Flag

Hiding the red flags on my heart
you held my hands with yours
those kind hands I hadn't felt in so long
that lingering grasp that made me miss you again
you tell me I wouldn't know
I couldn't
but I've known it
without any of the good
is it the same?
without being the only one...or the promise
do I have what you have?
could I know your pain?
your hands said you were sorry
even as I fought them...

Curiouser

I often give myself very good advice
but I very seldom follow it
never date someone you've had a crush on for a long time
they're never as good as you want them to be
stupid pedestal, it's a long drop to reality

I hate you a little more each time you love me

Jumping Blindly

I hadn't really noticed you at first

after a few times I started noticing your eyes catching mine

when I was near you I was caught between looking away-

-coyly, you'd think

and feeling like I was holding you up with my gaze

after awhile the butterflies would come

I'd feel a charge, a serenity, a panic

a gravitational pull when near you

soon I'd find myself making excuses to be around you

I'd jump without hesitation at the chance

it was addicting

I still didn't know what I wanted...or what I'd do

I always jumped blindly

I thought if I could just show you that I was holding you up with my gaze

you'd hold me up with yours