Shadow on the Street

I was walking down the street. I was with him. For some reason I always wanted to walk around the city with him. Never with a destination. Anywhere we'd be going would just break up our flow anyway. We were very fluid. As I was walking, and listening, a man hurried past huddled into his jacket like a turtle in it's shell. It wasn't even really cold out. He had the weight of a chip on his shoulder and the expression on his face screamed the anger and disdain he had for the world and everyone in it. Bitterness.


I stopped dead in my tracks and my glance raced after him to see if the recognition was true. Yes. I called after him. He stopped without turning around immediately. Then, after several seconds he turns and without looking up from the sidewalk, rushed towards me. I was happy to see him, as I had been the past several times. A sense of calm, nostalgia, and even longing for what used to be would always flood over me. The feeling would always flood across the perma-smile on my face that only someone who knew me in the way he did would bring about.

He leaned in, his head hovering over my shoulder, his mouth lingering at my ear as he gave me a hesitant hug. "I'm sorry" he said, "I just can't see you like this." I looked at him as he started to pull away, I looked into his eyes for that person I used to see. The one who's eyes could pierce my soul without feeling the slightest prick or self conscious reflex. Eyes like daggers, just like his words. I looked for those eyes, but they weren't there. Instead they were eyes that were dead and dull. He couldn't even muster their dull blades in my general direction.

Thoughts raced through my mind. Confusion. Did he not want me to see the person he'd become? Was he ashamed? He had faded. He was a shadow. But I still had hope he could return. "I'm sorry" he said, "I just can't see you like this...with him." And he turned and hurried away before I could comprehend his last words. Annoyance, frustration, embarassment, pity, apathy. I turned and began to walk away without missing a beat in our previous conversation.

"Who was that?" he said. "An ex boyfriend?"
I laughed. "You don't know who that was?"
"No...."
I thought for a second, to answer his question. Who was he? Who was he anyway? Who was he to me? Who is he now?

"Me either."